Persisting through life’s challenges

Recently I’ve felt that my life could be a reality tv episode somewhere between Undercover Boss and Dirty Jobs. I didn’t plan it this way, but I left my salaried position as a Program Manager for a manufacturer in New York and ended up as an entry level construction hand in the Wyoming winter. Even my home life is a construction zone as we renovate the foreclosure we bought a couple months ago. In between all of that I try to keep up with my two MBA classes. I’m learning a great deal, but feel that life is all work and no play. During my struggles I have learned more than construction skills- I have learned more about the purpose of challenges and that they are for our benefit.

After weeks of hauling, setting up, and taking down concrete forms at work and days of breaking up tile with hammer and pry bar at home, I had reached the end of my physical and mental stamina. Near the end of the work day I was scraping hardened concrete off of the forms when I almost declared that I was done and would be waiting in the truck until they were ready to go. But I didn’t want to be the wuss sitting in the truck, so I somehow continued on. The next day was to be an entire day of scraping concrete forms and developing carpal tunnel, but on the two hour commute to work watching YouTube in the crew truck, my attitude changed. Of all the places I could have found inspiration: family, church, friends, I found it in an interview of a former mobster, Michael Franzese. He described the pain of a harrowing experience when his dad, who was also in the business, threw him under the bus with some bosses, but it was that terrifying experience that caused him to distance himself from his dad and eventually the lifestyle. Without that crack in his bond with his father, he never would have been able to leave the mafia. His words echoed in my head the entire day that if you’re going through a tough time it can be for your good.

This jived with an experience I had at church. I was contemplating applying for a study- abroad program, but the process required much research, essay writing, and finding of references. It felt overwhelming, and I just didn’t have the time to do it. As was typical for me with life decisions, I took to prayer and fasting. That day in church a fellow member spoke about how it is through our challenges that we learn and grow. He mentioned an old philosophy that can be summarized as meaning The Obstacle is the Way which is drawn from the personal writings by Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius:

“The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”

This was a clear answer for me and that phrase, The Obstacle is the Way, ran through my head on repeat for days.  The difficult application process turned out to not be as difficult as I thought it would be. Isn’t that the case for many challenges? I will find out the results next month. I have since discovered that there is a book with that same title which I have placed into my reading queue. The tagline says it all, The Timeless Art of Turning Trials Into Triumph. How do we turn trials into triumphs? If trials can turn into triumphs should we then seek more trials in order to be more triumphant?

In my favorite podcast, The Art of Manliness, Brett McKay discusses the philosophy of President Theodore Roosevelt and the concept of purposely living a strenuous life.

https://omny.fm/shows/the-art-of-manliness/558-the-strenuous-president

In his talk “The Strenuous Life,” as Governor of New York in 1899, based upon his personal experiences of overcoming asthma and his sickly childhood, he argued that strenuous effort and overcoming hardship were ideals to be embraced by Americans for the betterment of the nation and the world. He started his speech with:

“I wish to preach, not the doctrine of ignoble ease, but the doctrine of the strenuous life, the life of toil and effort, of labor and strife; to preach that highest form of success which comes, not to the man who desires mere easy peace, but to the man who does not shrink from danger, from hardship, or from bitter toil, and who out of these wins the splendid ultimate triumph.”

Brett McKay has created a program at https://strenuouslife.co/ to help turn these ideas into action. I have considered signing up, but decided I was already currently living a strenuous life. I think its a great idea and will keep it in mind for the future and recommend it to others.

It is through challenges, obstacles, and trials that we learn and grow and develop ourselves. We gain experience and wisdom and become more refined. Merely changing our perspective of our circumstances and our attitudes about them will improve the quality of our lives. This is the basis for the clothing brand I created called Pers!st at https://persistfist.com/

To persist /pərˈsist/ means to continue firmly or obstinately in an opinion or a course of action in spite of difficulty, opposition, or failure.

We are together on this earth fighting our own unique personal battles, facing trials, temptations, and heartache. We have the power, though, to rise to these occasions and persevere. This brand reminds us that we have the strength and tenacity to break through barriers, overcome obstacles, conquer challenges, and power through pain. We will not be stopped or silenced as we pursue our dreams.

It’s something I’ve had to do my whole life, but really we all have in our own way. Having lived in several families during my childhood, including with a few foster families and extended family, I’ve had many parental figures to model and learn from. However, I lacked any connection with them at the time and felt as if none of them took me aside to develop a personal relationship with me, show me the ropes, and teach me life skills needed to become a husband and father. As my sons navigate adolescence, I have made it my mission to teach them the things they should know that were never taught to me.

For many years, decades really, I’d had an attachment disorder without realizing it. It wasn’t until I met my soulmate and entered into my second marriage did I understand that I’d merely been going through the motions of life without much feeling. We then brought our baby girl into the world and I became filled with a love and adoration for that smart, curly-headed blondie that I’d never felt before.

In this blog and associated podcast I want to explore what makes a man. I want to help others like me who grew up without one or both biological parents learn to recognize the effects from that and be able to cope and overcome it. Let me know in the comments what you think a man is or should be. What skills should men have and what characteristics?

I’ve had no formal training in psychology or childhood development or anything of the sort. I’m a regular guy just trying to figure things out for myself so I can be for my own kids the dad I never had. Let’s persist together on life’s journey up Manhood Mountain as we explore the ascent from boy to man. And remember, whatever your struggle, whatever your aspiration, Pers!st.